“I want to support you,” my friend says kindly and lovingly to me. She is not in recovery. “May I take you to lunch?”
How can I explain that, for me, time out for lunch is time out from recovery from addiction to alcohol? I cannot take that break. Addiction is a furious, relentless disorder that, like the invasive bamboo in my backyard, requires back-breaking labor to keep from encroaching into my very foundation. I have a 24-7-365+ shift.
Nearly 100-year-old trusses of the Bob White Covered Bridge in Woolwine, Virginia. Photo by Nancy Brauer
How, my friend, can you support me? I can think of two ways.
Go with me to an open support group meeting.
Have the shared experience of a meeting with me then share your feelings and thoughts and observations with me – at lunch, at tea, at dinner, not over cocktails. Those who support those in recovery are welcome at open meetings; closed meetings are for the group members themselves. I’d be moved to tears at first that you would do this for me, then I would talk and listen avidly. How I think about life’s happenings and events can be problematic for me. Hearing your feelings and thoughts and how you make sense and meaning of them for yourself would help me do the same with mine. It would be the most precious gift you could give me at this time, at 17 months sober.
Read somebody’s recovery story or read a recovery book with me.
Ask me to read the recovery book of your choice with you, or read one I have found life-saving, then let’s meet to talk about it. I am probing the depths of how and why I ended up addicted to alcohol. And I am studying intensely the research and literature on addictions treatment. Talking with you about how people stay clean and sober would help me personally and help me with my new life’s work.
If these ideas aren’t your cup of tea, that’s okay! I am so grateful for even supportive thoughts. Some day I expect to be able to go out for lunch and simply enjoy your beautiful company. For now, I just have to do this to be ever able to do that.
What wonderful, practical suggestions! I wish I lived closer to you; I’d take you up on them.
You sharing your feelings and thoughts and experience in comments on posts has been invaluable support, Janeson! Thank you so very much.
This is beautiful, Anne!
Thank you so much, Laurel!