On the first day of my counseling internship at a women’s residential treatment center, my supervisor handed me a job description. The first bullet point in the description read, “Self-care first.”
I challenged her. I thought it should read, “Tireless, devoted care for others.”
“You can’t give what you don’t have,” she said.
. . . . .
I was silent about being in recovery for 16 months and I’ve spent the last 2 months tirelessly, devotedly unrepressing my repression.
“H.A.L.T.!” we’re told in recovery. “Never get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired!”
I’m tired.
I’m going to follow the lead of my two cats and the neighbor’s visiting cat and practice self-care and rest.
I’ll write again next week.
The comments, emails, texts, and messages have been profoundly supportive. I’m finding it a challenge to both write my story and respond, so please know I read and appreciate every single one.
. . . . .
Laurel Sindewald kindly compiled this list of posts in my recovery story so far:
Something I’ve Wanted to Tell You – April 28, 2014 – Anne shares she is in recovery from addiction to alcohol.
I Can Stand by Them – May 2, 2014 – Anne shares about an upcoming annual event that has posed a risk for heavy drinking for her in the past.
The Addicted Selfie – May 8, 2014 – Anne examines the existential nature of addiction and its connection with feelings of shame and self-hatred.
The Trouble with Abstinence – May 16, 2014 – Anne acknowledges how painfully difficult abstinence can be, and how plain. She notes that sobriety does not provide the sense of unity with one’s self and the universe that an addictive substance can provide.
We Don’t Know How This Story Goes – May 19, 2014 – Anne acknowledges the risk of sharing her recovery progress as she goes. Most recovery stories are written years after the fact.
What Is My Fault? – May 28, 2014 – Anne discusses the weight of the different variables that lead to alcohol addiction. Out of the factors that she could not control, she searched for the factors she could control to become part of the 10% of alcoholics who do not relapse. She struggles with the question of personal value as an addict.
Why I Ask Why – June 4, 2014 – Anne reveals the difficulty of an addict to feel worthwhile. Her search has become a quest for a reason why she should keep herself sober.
What Makes Me Insane about Addiction – June 10, 2014 – Anne confesses that she does not know what makes a person begin drinking every night or what makes a person motivated to recover.
Their Stories Help – June 15, 2014 – Anne shares a list of books and stories that have helped her through her recovery so far.
Two Ways to Support Me and My Recovery – June 15, 2014 – Anne writes how her friends can support her in her recovery process.
Wrestling with How to Stop – June 24, 2014 – Anne challenges the typical assumption that an addict has to hit rock bottom before improving. She continues to grapple with the question of how to help others in recovery even as she is helping herself.
When You’re the One – June 25, 2014 – Anne discusses what it means to be chosen by a parent or a significant person as “the one,” the important one. She writes how most addicts struggle with contradictory feelings of self-importance and self-loathing.
A Lot Happens – June 30, 2014 – Anne shares the timeline of events from her life in the years between 2006 and 2013.
My Drinking History – July 1, 2014 – Anne chronicles the progression of her increasing consumption of alcohol.
. . . . .
Laurel Sindewald has written extensively on addictions:
10 Sobering Facts on the Business Costs of Addiction
On Making Meth and Money
The Local Costs of Meth in Montgomery County, VA
10 Facts on How Addictions Treatment vs. Incarceration Cuts Costs for Taxpayers
On the Rise of Non-Heroin Opiate Addiction in Southwest Virginia
The Business Case for Opening a Suboxone Clinic
On the Meth Epidemic in Rural America
Six Things Rural Communities Can Do About their Meth Problems
Latest Research Offers Smokers New Ways to Quit
On Relapse Rates and Sobriety Goals
